Putting Together A MARRIAGE CEREMONY

Priest / Minister / Facilitator

• Decide what role you want this person to play: priest, minister, facilitator, master of ceremonies
• How do you want this person to dress for the ceremony: priestly gear, as a monk, as a druid, or in lay clothes?
• You could have a man and a woman team do the ceremony, to represent male and female energies equally (as in photo).

Setting

• plan a layout for the location of the ceremony
• where will the couple go to on arrival.
• where will parents go?
• best man, bridesmaids? Musicians? Guests?
• create a focus e.g. a table or altar, a candle, flowers, a tree.
• how will you decorate the scene?

Entrance

• will someone show people to their places?
• Will the bride, or bride and groom, enter formally, or just gather with the rest?
• Do you want music for the formal entry, if you have one?
• Will somebody give the bride away?

Ideas for the Beginning

• The couple lights two candles to represent themselves as two individual persons
• A member of the bride's circle presents her to the groom and his family by saying a few words about her
• A member of the groom's circle presents him to the bride and her family by saying a few words about him
• Have the priest/minister/facilitator say a few opening words to welcome everybody, explain the ceremony and put people at their ease
• Have the priest/minister say a prayer

Readings

• Choose short readings that mean something to you - I can e-mail a large selection to you
• Appoint people from your guest list to do the readings at the ceremony
• Choose up to three readings

Music

• Instrumental music e.g. harp, or Irish traditional tunes (flute, fiddle, bodhrán)
• Songs
• Hire musicians or make use of the talents of your guests
• Music on CD or tape is still better than no music at all

Remembrances / Intercessions / Blessings / Thanksgivings

• Remember the dead. Have someone come to the front and name those you wish to remember
• Intercede. Have one or more say a prayer or prayers for special intentions
• Bless. Use the occasion to pray a blessing on whoever you wish. Have someone read the blessing
• Give thanks. Have someone say the thank you for you, or do it yourself.

Preparation for Making the Vows

• Invite the priest/minister/facilitator or someone else to present some thoughts on the meaning of marriage
• Ask the priest/minister to bless each of you individually before you take your vows
• Receive the 'blessing of the four elements'.
• Ask the priest/minister to invite all present to bless you both - they could, for example, hold the palms of their hands out towards you as the priest/minister prays.

Making Your Vows

• Choose carefully the words you wish to use - they can be your own words or a standard set of words
• Will you both exchange rings? What words, if any, will you use?
• If you lit two candles at the beginning, now is the time to light the third candle.
• Other ideas: a handfasting (a cloth or ribbon that is tied around your held hands); an exchange of gifts

A Blessing for Your Relationship

• Health and Wholeness: this is a blessing I offer using olive oil. The oil is placed on your forehead or your hand and I pray that your relationship will remain healthy and grow and develop in a wholesome way throughout your lives together.
• Protection: this is a blessing I offer using water from a holy well. I sprinkle the water around you as a couple by walking around you three times. I pray that your relationship will be protected from any situation that would damage or endanger it.

Other Ideas You Might Consider

• Have each guest, or each grouping (e.g. family) of guests, light a candle for you on the altar or table
• Invite both families and both sets of guests to intermingle and shake hands. A wedding is the coming together not just of two people, but also of their families and friends
• Tell the story of your relationship: how you met, all that happened since then, and your decision to marry. (You could tell it yourselves, or someone could tell it for you)
• Include in the ceremony symbols of the various aspects of your lives that are important to you - place them on the altar or have them brought up during the ceremony
• Invite some of your guests to speak during the ceremony - they might speak of their memories, or what their hopes and wishes are for you.
• If there are to be children at the ceremony, involve them in some way: a little performance, their art, bringing up gifts.
• A chance to be generous on your wedding day:- a small gift for everybody who came; a donation to a charity
• Dancing:- a performance of a dance by one or more people; or you as a couple dance to music after you make your vows; or a circle dance for everybody in attendance with someone leading it.

Exit

• Decide how you want the ceremony to end: With music? With a procession out?
• Decide the order of the procession out, if you are having one.
• Will you stand as a couple and greet each of the guests as they emerge?
• Will there be a glass of champagne as a toast for you as you emerge?
• Choose suitable music for the exit.

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